I walk along the pavement. Eyes down, ears not tuned to the world. My mind walks ten steps ahead and I try to keep up, but it seems
to be picking up speed and moving further and further. Is it running away? It seems to be.
In an instant though, we are back together, mind and body forced to be. What drew my attention back to its physical nature? My ears perk to the sound and my eyes peel themselves away. What I see and hear is not new to me. I’ve seen it before. I have heard it before. I have heard it all before.
Lost My job.
Got 4 kids.
I feel my stomach begin to turn. Do I dare begin to move my eyes toward his? The operate on their own accord, as if what I tell them to do is not received. Or do they blatantly refuse the orders I give them? As my mind screams “NO!” we lock into that most intimate of moments two strangers can have, eye contact.
His eyes are haunting. Gray, blue, wisdom there. Also pain, grief beyond years. Sincerity too.
It may have been only a second, but it sticks. My eyes finally listen and look away. Ashamed of myself, I continue on. Unable to live with myself if I didn’t, I look back to see, but he’s gone. And I feel my heart harden just a little.
Lord, help me for I do the things I do not want to do.